i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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