I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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