He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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