Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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