I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize