Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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