You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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