how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize