Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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