hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize