the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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