New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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