I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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