Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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