I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize