A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize