Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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