I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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