if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My cat gives me a boner
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize