also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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