I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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