I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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