yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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