Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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