i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize