who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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