Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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