when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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