2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize