I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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