If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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