Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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