I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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