Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize