apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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