thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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