I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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