Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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