There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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