I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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