apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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