Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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