Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize