need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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