you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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