I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize