so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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