Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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