So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize