I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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